Good Habits are Hard to Break

Why don't people ever say good habits are hard to break? Because it's not true, I wonder? Anyhow, I'm not really going to talk about that. It's more like a parry from the topic (Am I even using "parry" right? The word just came into mind so I wanted to put it into the sentence). The title should be "Why is Being Positive Harder than Being Negative?" than "Good Habits are Hard to Break". Do they even relate? My head hurts . . . Continuing with my blog post . . .
It's so exhausting trying to be positive. So in Spanish, I go through the class painfully, trying to figure out what in the world the teacher is saying. She speaks really fast, and the words seem to blur together, so I don't even know if I learned any of the words she's saying. On rare occasions, I figure out what she says after someone answers the question, and I'm like, "Oooh, I get it now." My sister is so bored all the time that she calls home every week or something. And so yesterday, she was talking to me on the phone (when she could have just talked to me on AIM, but whatever) about school and such. Since she's taken Spanish, too, and all, she was telling me how I'll eventually learn to listen and comprehend what the teacher's saying better as time goes on. I hope the time that I begin to get Spanish again comes soon. My current problem wasn't really about all that though, except I was tense, worried that the teacher would call on me as I slowly decipher her words. She made this presentation for us to review how to conjugate stem-changing verbs, and I'm like, cool, I remember this. Then she called on people randomly to answer a series of slides until she says another name. Unfortunately, she decided to pick me. I said I remembered how to stem-change, but that didn't mean I was able to respond faster than the wind. Half the time, I kind of just stared at the screen (pantalla? I'm attempting to randomly review my vocabulary) like a nitwit. Sometimes I mumbled out an answer, but the teacher's like, "Jenny, I can't hear you." I wonder if she knew I wasn't even saying anything half the time. After epically failing to properly think quickly, the teacher finally calls on someone else who answered with master skills, which, I realized, really made me look bad. The class was pretty much over and I spent the rest of my time basically trying to convince myself not to care that I couldn't say what the conjugated verb was. My train of thought was pretty much like this:
"Who cares if people think your dumb? It's not like you intend to make friends with anyone in the class. Even if you did, as friends, would understand that you can't process things quickly and overly all slow. Wait, how does that help the situation at all? Well, it's not like I want to have a profession in Spanish or anything. Agh, but I still hate looking dumb, even though I am. Wasn't I trying to be positive here? Well, everyone has their good and bad points, Spanish is obviously something I'm bad at. Maybe people will think that I sucked at Spanish, barely made it into honors (which is true), and slowly trying to improve, but I'm not dumb. That's still negative, isn't it? Er, maybe instead of worrying about what people might think, let's not be concerned about what they think about you. Okay. It's not like they're people I'll really ever get to know. Back to the friends thing again? But, really, I'll probably never see most of them after this year, and on the plus side, I'm a very unmemorable person, they'll forget who the heck I am in no time! So even if I do end up in the same class as any of them next year, it doesn't matter, because they just think of me as a complete stranger again! Ah, yes, the benefits of being unworthy to be remembered. Dang it, I'm trying to be positive here! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts . . . AGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!"
This is what happened as I migrated from class to home. I was so sick of thinking about it and trying to be more "positive" about the situation, I just fell onto my bed and slept for the next two hours.
Oh, and it's currently 11:28PM, and I'm almost done with homework. Yes! Well, I have a bunch of Spanish homework still, but I don't have anything to do in journalism (I wrote my story and briefs, so now it's the page editors to do a bunch of work). Maybe it's because I never do Spanish until the day it's due that I never get better . . .