Sunday, November 8, 2009

New Blog

Apparently my current blog is too "old" or something. Because thanks to the help of someone, I decided to make a new blog and see if it would work on that one. When I did, I saw a bunch of options that I've never even seen before! Seriously. So it was decided that I change to migrate over there, to the place with more and cooler functions. [ x ] I just made up a title, and I'll probably change the URL sometime later, so that this URL will just go to my new blog.


101th post

Whoa. I just realized that on the dashboard, under my blog name and stuff, it says how many posts you have and when you last published. So I just glanced at it, clicked on "New Post". Then I was like, "Wait, what?" I went back and what I saw was true! Yes, my last post way actually my 100th post! Woot! This is an amazing achievement for me since I've always failed to keep stuff like diaries and stuff updated. I actually have a Wordpress, too, but yeah, I probably posted maybe twice. Anyhow, I feel so accomplished. Seven months of relatively consistent posting! I wonder if I'll last another five months.
Oh, and I didn't say earlier, but anyways, yeah, my blog template has change! I wanted to use this: [ x ], but for some reason it wouldn't work! It suits my blog URL name so well, too!
I seriously wish I knew how to make it work. Maybe I'll look into it one day.


Fireworks in the Rain

Can't sleep. So after several weeks of dreading staying up this late for many reasons, now I'm just sitting here. Doing pretty much nothing. I was going to do math, but after I opened the book, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.
It's not like I have any complaints though. I'm pretty much satisfied with my life right now, I'm sure you all know why. I feel so awkward when I was reading some of my old posts. I always knew what I wrote was depressing, but man was it so depressing! Yes, pointing out the obvious is fun. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the people who actually read my blog. I mean, who wants to read a blog where the person is always saying that life is meaningless and says something borderline suicidal? Yeah, I'm so excited to read more.
Moving onto the present, the bright side of all this darkness, I seem to have found the pep in my step again! I've always wanted to use that phrase. Anyhow, yeah, I'm pretty sure my insomnia is back. I feel like I'm more hyper and cheery at school despite the lack of sleep. And, of course, I have gone back to appreciating the little things in life.
So in honor of the rebirth and sparkle in my life, a poem! If you know what I'm talking about in my poem, I congratulate you. Because sometimes I felt like even I didn't even understand what I was writing.


Rain splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Vivid red made my heart beat faster.
Cheerful orange made me wonder.
Bright yellow made me smile.
Curious green made me confused.
Solemn blue made me feel awkward.
Royal purple made me feel on top of the world.

Gray clouds loomed everywhere.
The colors faded, wilted, and died.
I threw open the curtains,
And there was an explosion of fireworks.

Yet rain still splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Don't you think these fireworks
Are so pretty
Even if it's late?
Emotions so loud
I tried to keep them silent
But the booms of colors
Made me explode.

Colors alighted around.
Just what does this mean?
I don't expect an answer,
But, I still need to scream.
I need to get this thank you
Out so the heavens can hear.

Thank you
For the ability to see again,
I love the colors in the sky.
Thank you
For bring tears to my eyes,
The sight is just too beautiful.
Thank you
For this explosion of feelings,
That lighted the whole world.
Thank you

For never letting the fireworks fade away.

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Friday, November 6, 2009

Best Day. Ever.

November 5, 2009. 11:37PM. Anticipating, expectant, slightly hopeful, nervous.
November 5, 2009. 11:39PM. Shocked, surprised, confused, denial, realization, happy, trembling, overjoyed, on-top-of-the-world, jumping off the walls, I-would-scream-in-happiness-if-my-dad-wasn't-sleeping mode, life-couldn't-get-any-better mood, this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life feeling.
Suffice to say. November 5. Of 2009. At 11:39PM. Despite the fact that it was 21 minutes away from midnight. November 5. Was indeed. The best day of my 15-year old life. Best. Day. No matter what cruddy things happened to me earlier on that day. It's been overruled. Even if my day started from awful. It's now awesome. I don't even remember what I did. But it was definitely an awesome day. A beautiful day. A wonderful day. A terrific day it was! What did I do? NO CLUE. But it doesn't matter. It was, to put it simply, an absolutely-positively-awesome-possum-blossom-tremendous-stupendous-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day. November 5 is the best day ever. November is a wonderful month. 5 is a wonderful number. When you combine them, it's just the most incredible thing. Ever. Am I repeating myself too much? I'm repeating myself too much. Okay.

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Song in Praise of Colors

Irodori no Sanka (Song in Praise of Colors) --Kagrra
[ x ]

You sigh and lower your gaze on this endless journey,
Not even knowing about turning around.
You kill your voice and hide your body,
Trying to hide the festering wounds
Only slows down the healing.
Raise your head.
The sky shines in azure.
The land praises the growing prayers.
Sometimes people lose their precious things without noticing,
But, in the distance, a light is shining.
The tears of sadness are constantly carried away by time,
And under the flag of "freedom",
We repeat our mistakes.
Even though we're born divided into white, black, red, and yellow,
There are no differences in our wishing voices.
The sky shines in azure.
The land praises the growing prayers.
People are always blown by the wind
And keep singing their words which are overflowing with love,
The light softly embraces them.
Even if, in this world, all life will someday stop and end up in nothing,
On the last day, I just want to embrace you in my heart
And then smile.
Human beings are all roaming travelers,
Without any aim inside their solitude.
But I guess they will notice someday
They are not all alone, but just on their own.
The light will always wait, narrowing your eyes.


Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Cackle

So after reading my previous post, I feel kind of awkward since I went trick-or-treating with my friends as planned, and it was fun. Although I don't take back what I said . . . it was how I truly felt. Anyhow, so in the first time in forever, I'm blogging about something positive. Shocker, isn't it? I'm going to start out with my sucky morning though.
Well, I had to do this Chinese presentation on a capital or something, and mine was on Rabat, which I never even heard of before. Anyhow, so I mine was the worst one. It's not even a joke. Allow me to explain why. First of all, I pronounced the capital name wrong. That's just sad. Secondly, it was't creative, no pretty or fantastic pictures of people, places, or food, unlike everyone else's. Third, I was supposed to type "Hassan Tower" on the top of the slide, but since I didn't know how, I used Wikipedia (since there's sometimes an option to see stuff in Chinese). But apparently, instead of copying "Hassan Tower", I copied "Wikipedia". That's just so freakin' sad and embarassing. Did I mention my teacher recorded everything and is posting it on Youtube? So humilating. And last, but not least, I knew nothing. Everyone's presentation, they were looking around the room, talking more in depth about their slide, like they've been there before, or something. Me, I was staring at my powerpoint, I didn't even know how to say the words have the time, too. I just felt so retarded up there.
Basically, my hatred for Chinese school has shot up dramatically and I really wish I didn't have to go back there ever again. I came home, ate some leftover pizza (yesterday, my dad and I had Papa John's pizza, it was the first time we tried it, but it was pretty darn good). I watched some anime and took an unfurfilling thirty minute nap. After dragging me out of bed, my dad drove me to art class. I wasn't in a very artistic mood, so I painted really slowly, and the details were pretty messed up, I'll fix it next week or something. I came back and kinda just laid around in bed, I dosed off for a little while, rumaged through my room for a costume, dressed up as a wannabe pirate, then headed over to Revathi's house.
Hee Soo was already there, being a weirdo. Diana took a while to arrive, what a weirdo. Yasmin's aunt had a party or something, so she couldn't come to go trick or treat with us, she's a weirdo. Ahaha. I don't know why I'm saying that. Anyhow, we kind of hanged out there for a while before leaving to go trick or treating. It was pretty awkward to hold my bag out for candy, because I seriously felt like I was some kind of beggar. It was even more awkward after I got the candy. I'd say thank you, then bring forth the courage to say, "have a nice evening." I'm so awkward around strangers. Diana and Revathi were all walking really fast, probably so they can rake in more booty (attempting pirate talk), but Hee Soo and I were all walking slowly, just cause. So, what interesting happened? Hee Soo kept getting freaked out by stuff like wavy grass, thinking it looked like a graveyard or something. Hasn't she ever seen wavy grass before? What a deprived child. Just kidding. Hrm, so the highlight of my entire day was this next part. So there was this head decoration on the porch of a person's house. Hee Soo all said how creepy it was, so just to bug her, I wanted to pat it on the head. I did so, but then it's head started moving and groaned loudly. Diana jumped and yelled, Revathi was indifferent, Hee Soo screamed loudly and clinged onto my arm . . . with her nails. It was hilarous, I started laughing obnoxiously loud so that the person in the house came outside to look what happened (that or Diana and Revathi alread ringed the bell, I'm not too sure, since Hee Soo and I took our time to catch up). Yeah, that was fun. Oh, and I saw my old afterschool English teacher. I actually don't remember her name, and after looking at her for a while, I suddenly recognized who she was. Wow, it sure brought back memories. I still remember how she'd give out the beginning of a story and we'd have to come up with the rest. I loved to hear everyone's story and we'd all laugh at how weird they were. The teacher would give out saltwater taffy, buy McDonald cookies that were still warm, give us presents during Christmas, and the homework assignments were so much fun. Ah, good times. I really missed her. I wish I had said something, but I don't think she would have remembered me. I grew taller, changed my hairstyle (I used to always have my hair up in a ponytail and have straight Asian bangs), and I had this makeshift eyepatch thing on too, which made it hard to see a good deal of my face (including my other eye . . .). Well, it was nice to just see her, regardless. I hope she's doing well.
We went back to Revathi's house, but Yasmin all wanted us to go over to her aunt's house to go trick or treating, but we decided it was a bit late. We wanted to just go over there and gamble with our candy, but Hee Soo's mom said it was too late to go out, then Revathi decided to be a pal and stay behind. Diana and I, knowing Yasmin would probably give us the guilt trip if we excluded her on the Halloween fun, left to go to her aunt's house. Diana's mom was driving us, and we all got lost. We were all staring at the MapQuest directions in the light of my flashlight. I think I got us all confused, I have a bad sense of direction, they should have known better than to listen to me! Anyhow, we finally made it there after a bunch of pauses and staring into the night to see if we can make out the house numbers in the dark. We got there and we were all worried Yasmin left to go back home or something, so we were all hiding and stuff, but then we heard a bunch of clanking, like someone was messing with the locks or something. I figured it was Yasmin and she couldn't get the door to open, so I burst out in, once again, and obnoxiously loud laugh until Yasmin finally threw open the door and Diana yelled out, "Trick or treat!" We went inside and there was food left, so we were welcomed to steal their food. You know what was so cool? The punch bowl. Why? No, there wasn't stuff in it! But there were small glass cups where you could just dip it into the punch bowl. I've always wanted to do that! It was so awesome, I just stood there, scooping up punch and then pouring it back in, then scooping up some more. Yeah, I'm weird. Anyhow, it was past 10, and Diana got a call from Revathi, then Diana relayed the message to me that my dad has been calling me for the past hour (my dad drove to her house to see where I was, even though he knew I was at Yasmin's aunt's house, but didn't know where it was). I looked at my phone, which was on silent, and there was 47 missed calls from my dad. My bad . . . After calling him and calming his worried mind, the time left at Yasmin's aunt's house was limited. We spent most of the time, holding battery-powered candle flames up to our faces and telling humorous horror stories. Ask Diana about it, it was a well-thought out story. With a hilarous ending! Then we all passed the candle light (which later became a flashlight, I have no idea where Diana found it) telling a part of the story and then passing it onto the other person to continue it. Yeah, it was funny.
I finally came home around 11 and my father was obviously not pleased. He didn't seem as angry as I thought he would be, but I guess his anger subsided in the 20 minutes since I called him.
I showered, then just sat here doing stuff, going on Facebook, blogging. Yeah. Well, I'm going to bed soon, it's like 12:32 now (wasn't typing the entire time). Night.

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Friday, October 30, 2009

I Want to Sleep

I'm in an extremely irritable mood. Why? Because of my annoying schedule tomorrow. Even though, frankly, I don't think anyone gives a s--- about my day. After all, half the time it looks like I don't give a f--- about their day either, and maybe I actually don't.

So Halloween is here, the time of where people either want to show off their costumes or what to wear something different for once without being judged. A time where kids go around, practically begging for candy. A holiday that developed thousands of years ago, born from the fear that the transitioning dark skies, from October to November, let in so little light through the heavy clouds that the people of that time thought spirits could roll in from them. A time of mischievous pranks, jokes, kidnappings, and murders. Yes. What a wonderful day Halloween is.

From tomorrow morning to the end of the wondrous holiday, I'm needed somewhere besides my bed. 9-12PM I have Chinese school as always, because the Chinese don't celebrate Halloween. 12-2PM I eat lunch and attempt to recover from three hours of my ridiculously boring class. 2-4PM I have art class. Since Victor made me feel so guilty, like I don't try to make time for all my friends (I have four separate groups of people I want to try to hang out with everyday, but frankly, it's exhausting migrating around at lunch, visiting people and trying to make up for the fact that I'm not there half the time), I wanted to go to Regional from 4-6PM. From 6-7PM, I eat dinner, once again attempt to recuperate, then go to my friend's house so they can force a costume onto me and then take me out to walk around a dark neighborhood for who knows how long.

And honestly whether you guys take offense about what I say or not, I think you guys would know if I'm talking to you or not, I sometimes think no one cares what is going on in my life, and as I said before, I probably seem the same to you. And the reason why I haven't been around at lunch I'm trying to repair my friendship with people who I haven't got a chance to hang out ever since "Pie" was formed. I can't take a decent nap because it's uncomfortably loud, not like I've ever expected you guys to tone it down a little since time began. If I have homework to finish, it's so unbearably noisy where you guys were, I swear I once wanted to rip my homework up and throw it at you guys in utter frustration. I can't even bring myself to ask for help anymore because from previous years, you guys would attempt to help me, but then start talking about something else, so I was left with a half-explanation and then tempted to join the conversation, ignoring my homework, and get the 'C' I deserved. Serves me right for not finishing my homework at three. What I hate absolutely the most is when you guys want me to play at some game where I have to get up and accompany you somewhere, especially when I'm doing homework. Sorry, but learn to be f---ing independent. What? You want mommy to hold your hand to college, too? How about I go with you to your f---ing job interview, also? Sure, I understand it's much more fun, or you feel better, to have someone to walk around campus with you, but may I remind you that people aren't your f---ing stuffed animals who have no choice to be dragged around by you until their limbs are falling off. And sorry, I don't care if you think you look like a loser walking around by yourself and I do not care if you feel so lonely that you can't walk less than a freakin' quarter mile by yourself. Why? Because I don't. Maybe I don't understand how you've been feeling at home or if you've been neglected by your family since you were born, but if you can't even walk around school by youself, I sure hope I don't go to the same college as you. Freakin' knock on my door everytime you need to go to the bathroom that's probably just down the hall and ask me to walk you to your class (and college campuses can get f---ing big).
And of recently, not only you guys, but a huge bunch of people, kept bugging me about a Halloween costume. So as I've said repeatedly, buying a costume is a waste of money if you can't return it, I don't have time to make a costume or be creative about it, and it's too troublesome to ask around if people happen to have an article of clothing I can wear. As the way I am now, what's the point of wearing costumes? Showing off your outfit? Wearing something you wouldn't wear on your average day? Are actually celebrating the holiday? Do you think all this is fun? If you think that Halloween is fun, that wearing costumes is fun, if walking around dark neighborhoods and asking for candy is fun, I don't see it right now. Maybe I did in the past, maybe I will in the future, but I really can't see the fun in it at all currently. As far as I know, all this "fun" is trying to be forced onto me so that the people around me can be amused. I don't know what's more selfish, to want to have fun with your friends or to want to only address what you yourself wants to do.

Anyhow, don't mind me, you probably wouldn't be able to very much after reading this post. And after successfully wasting over half an hour, I need to finish my Chinese powerpoint and presenation. Ew.

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