Friday, October 30, 2009

I Want to Sleep

I'm in an extremely irritable mood. Why? Because of my annoying schedule tomorrow. Even though, frankly, I don't think anyone gives a s--- about my day. After all, half the time it looks like I don't give a f--- about their day either, and maybe I actually don't.
Whatever.

So Halloween is here, the time of where people either want to show off their costumes or what to wear something different for once without being judged. A time where kids go around, practically begging for candy. A holiday that developed thousands of years ago, born from the fear that the transitioning dark skies, from October to November, let in so little light through the heavy clouds that the people of that time thought spirits could roll in from them. A time of mischievous pranks, jokes, kidnappings, and murders. Yes. What a wonderful day Halloween is.

From tomorrow morning to the end of the wondrous holiday, I'm needed somewhere besides my bed. 9-12PM I have Chinese school as always, because the Chinese don't celebrate Halloween. 12-2PM I eat lunch and attempt to recover from three hours of my ridiculously boring class. 2-4PM I have art class. Since Victor made me feel so guilty, like I don't try to make time for all my friends (I have four separate groups of people I want to try to hang out with everyday, but frankly, it's exhausting migrating around at lunch, visiting people and trying to make up for the fact that I'm not there half the time), I wanted to go to Regional from 4-6PM. From 6-7PM, I eat dinner, once again attempt to recuperate, then go to my friend's house so they can force a costume onto me and then take me out to walk around a dark neighborhood for who knows how long.

And honestly whether you guys take offense about what I say or not, I think you guys would know if I'm talking to you or not, I sometimes think no one cares what is going on in my life, and as I said before, I probably seem the same to you. And the reason why I haven't been around at lunch I'm trying to repair my friendship with people who I haven't got a chance to hang out ever since "Pie" was formed. I can't take a decent nap because it's uncomfortably loud, not like I've ever expected you guys to tone it down a little since time began. If I have homework to finish, it's so unbearably noisy where you guys were, I swear I once wanted to rip my homework up and throw it at you guys in utter frustration. I can't even bring myself to ask for help anymore because from previous years, you guys would attempt to help me, but then start talking about something else, so I was left with a half-explanation and then tempted to join the conversation, ignoring my homework, and get the 'C' I deserved. Serves me right for not finishing my homework at three. What I hate absolutely the most is when you guys want me to play at some game where I have to get up and accompany you somewhere, especially when I'm doing homework. Sorry, but learn to be f---ing independent. What? You want mommy to hold your hand to college, too? How about I go with you to your f---ing job interview, also? Sure, I understand it's much more fun, or you feel better, to have someone to walk around campus with you, but may I remind you that people aren't your f---ing stuffed animals who have no choice to be dragged around by you until their limbs are falling off. And sorry, I don't care if you think you look like a loser walking around by yourself and I do not care if you feel so lonely that you can't walk less than a freakin' quarter mile by yourself. Why? Because I don't. Maybe I don't understand how you've been feeling at home or if you've been neglected by your family since you were born, but if you can't even walk around school by youself, I sure hope I don't go to the same college as you. Freakin' knock on my door everytime you need to go to the bathroom that's probably just down the hall and ask me to walk you to your class (and college campuses can get f---ing big).
And of recently, not only you guys, but a huge bunch of people, kept bugging me about a Halloween costume. So as I've said repeatedly, buying a costume is a waste of money if you can't return it, I don't have time to make a costume or be creative about it, and it's too troublesome to ask around if people happen to have an article of clothing I can wear. As the way I am now, what's the point of wearing costumes? Showing off your outfit? Wearing something you wouldn't wear on your average day? Are actually celebrating the holiday? Do you think all this is fun? If you think that Halloween is fun, that wearing costumes is fun, if walking around dark neighborhoods and asking for candy is fun, I don't see it right now. Maybe I did in the past, maybe I will in the future, but I really can't see the fun in it at all currently. As far as I know, all this "fun" is trying to be forced onto me so that the people around me can be amused. I don't know what's more selfish, to want to have fun with your friends or to want to only address what you yourself wants to do.

Anyhow, don't mind me, you probably wouldn't be able to very much after reading this post. And after successfully wasting over half an hour, I need to finish my Chinese powerpoint and presenation. Ew.

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