History of my Life

I'm almost done with homework. Shocker isn't it? I feel like I don't have as much homework especially after yesterday's little expedition. What the heck I'm talking about? So I don't even remember myself if I posted about this or not, but I got a schedule change. A bunch of people got papers saying they got a new schedule and they'll be going to those classes starting Monday. Yeah, I wasn't one of those people. Instead, Thursday afternoon, after the classes have switched around, a guy entered the room and gave my teacher a paper that claimed I haven't been in class for the last four days. You can probably figure out what happened after that. So when I entered the new class I got a worksheet reviewing Chapter 1 of the textbook, which had absolutely no relevance to what I was doing in my other class, but I decided to just deal with it. Friday and then the weekend passed by, but Sunday, I was staring at my agenda. I took note that earlier in the week, when I wasn't in the class yet, that everyone was assigned book reading, which would help prepare you for the test and the questions on the Chapter 1 worksheet asks about those chapters. It was around midnight when I thought to myself, I'll just read it tomorrow. As my bad luck likes to mock me, while suddenly remembering that my new history teacher is notorious for giving out lots of pop quizzes, we had a pop quiz based on the reading. In the end, I think I got one or two right out of ten questions. I was rather shocked that I knew the answers. Then Monday passed, and then Tuesday, yesterday, the fated day came where I had to finish the Chapter 1 worksheet, all (about) forty questions and all its glory. Not that bad, when you think about it, but there was a lot to say, and I didn't want my teacher to think of me as a lazy slob (which I am) especially after the quiz results. Thus, I resulted with six pages (only front side) of ink, sweat, blood, and history. It took me forever, but I felt impressed with myself afterwards. I'd feel even better if the skin on my ring finger wasn't peeling. Yes, that's how intense it was. Hah . . . Yeah, my point basically was to say that I had a huge amount of work yesterday, where I worked from 3PM to 2AM without even messing around. Even I'm learning to be responsible now.

It's School

School. It's right there. Tomorrow. I'm getting all pumped up for it. Although I'll miss lazing around the house, staying up until unspeakably late (early, depends on how you look at it), and waking up at noon, I want to go back to school. I've discussed my issues with my schedule and how I want to go into Journalism, yes? Well, I have zero period and all the classes are packaged in. I know I'll be busy and I'm probably going to be really tired throughout the year, but I'm still looking forward to the school year. I'm ecstatic about my classes, especially journalism and English class, obviously. I'm not as enthusiastic about chemistry and pre-calculus, though, since they aren't really my best subjects, nor are they my preferred subjects. Except I am hoping to see some improvements with my grades, so you can say I'm still looking forward to the classes. History, I really wish I didn't have to go through it, but it'll be okay, I guess. And then there's P.E., but I like P.E. I have it first period, though, so that's not great, but I'll deal with it.
For some reason, I feel really depressed, too. Except I feel happy. It's a feeling I don't really know how to explain. Maybe it's because I've been listening to Dark Woods Circus a lot lately. I even changed my GaiaOnline profile to something more . . . distant. [x] (if you aren't one of my four close friends who I know reads my blog, and I know they have a Gaia, add me) I was looking for something more depressing, but I couldn't really find one that really suited my mood. And so I chose that one. I editted my "about me--which is under my avatar (and video of Dark Woods Circus, if you didn't know)--to something less happy. Before, there was a picture I bought on the forums (for Gaia gold, of course) with a teddy bear holding a heart and a piece of paper saying "I love my life". Well, replaced that with "You think you're living the life until it bites you dead." Then I added a bunch of more happish-sad sayings I made up. Yeah. I don't know what's with me. I feel happy but I'm also a bit sad off to the side. Weird. Maybe it's school.

School of Chaos

I just felt like typing here. If only I put in my blogging time to recreating my story. Well, it was program verification day for my school. My school is so weird, I sometimes wish I'd change schools. So first of all, even before today, the school calls like a bunch of times, leaving different messages every time, and it's so hard to hear what's being said too. I'm just wondering, "What is he saying? And is this important to me anyways?" Why can't they just gather up their information, put it on one organized email for us to read and understand? Day after day, stuff about PTA, taking pictures in the wrestling room, and it's just too much. Anyhow, today, we have to line up in this ridiculous line in the heat to turn in forms the school mailed you, and I didn't know what to bring exactly. Apparently, though, I didn't have two forms, so I have to turn those in on the first day of school. So after waiting over an hour, maybe, in the heat (at least there was shade, I guess) I get into the gym and there was a bunch of tables. I paid for my textbook damages from last year, it was just a dollar though, then I had to find my ID among a bunch of them, got my schedule, got confused at one table because I didn't know what to do there, and apparently it was for a schedule change, so I was like, "Oh, I don't need to be here then." It was a huge confusing mess. Then I found out there's another long line for getting lockers. You know what's so messed up about the school I'm going to? We have to share our lockers with someone else. Not only that, we have to pay five dollars each for it. My sister went to a different school from me, so after listening to what I said(since she just came back today) and she said, "Your school's weird. I didn't have to pay for our locker, and I certainly didn't have to share it with anyone." And her school had cardboard walls, dang it, does that not say anything about how poor it was? I think they changed it by now, I don't know though. At least they had their own lockers and they didn't have to pay for them, except they did have to bring their own lock, but still! I just think my school is a bundle of chaos.

Sweet Relief

Ah, sweet relief. Math test. Done. Spanish Orals. Done. I must say, I was extremely relieved today was done and over with (school day, that is). I studied last night more than I did all year. Except that doesn't really say much since I failed to study at all this year. That would explain something about my grades last semester. Anyhow, the mat test was hard, as I predicted. I think I did okay, though, thanks to studying yesterday night and cramming right before the test. I didn't totally blank out and filled in every problem. Now all there is to do is wait for the results. My Spanish orals. Yeah, whatever. I was clueless on two questions, ended up making up something that barely makes sense. I think I used the wrong verb form on this other question. But you know what? I don't even care anymore right now because I'm done. If I get a 60% on orals (hopefully not, that's lower than what I got last semester's orals that I didn't even study for), I'll drop 3% and get an 'A-' in the class. If I do okay on the other parts of the finals, I should be okay. At least my Spanish grade will be better than my math and biology grade in the end. Ugh, I should really study next year. Maybe I'll actually get a decent grade my parents could be indifferent about rather than be angry about. Maybe not. As I've said in previous posts, I can tell I'm going to be pretty busy next year. I really need to change my working habits, then I can have more time to blog, more time to talk to friends online, more time to write my stories, more time to sleep! Oh, and more time to study. I guess.
Huh, I don't have much homework today, but I should get it done now. I'll blog again maybe when I finish. Hopefully that'll motivate me to actually focus on my work.

How Can I *Not* Worry?

With my current theme, you can't see the title, but it says, "How Can I *Not* Worry?" And indeed, how can I not? I have an Algebra II test tomorrow, and it's going to be killer hard. I can tell. I don't remember the formulas! Will I remember when to use the explict formula? Will I used the geometric one when I was supposed to use the arithmetic one on accident? I already have a low 'B' in that class, and this test is really not helping my nerves. I guess I'll have to review my notes again, later. Not to mention that, I have Spanish orals tomorrow. I told myself over and over again, I'm going to study for my orals early, it's not going to be like last time. You know what I got last time on my orals? 86.7. Out of 130. You do the math. I'm too disgusted to put up the number on here. Yeah. That's not going to happen this time, or so I thought. I just hope I don't just end up saying "uuum" as my answers. At least I got some help from randomly following Yasmin to Revathi's house to study. Maybe I'll get a 'C' this time. Now that I've ranted a bit about my stress that comes with the next sunrise, I'm going to go study. Seriously.

Procrastinator

I wonder why I insist on procrastinating until the end. I tell myself if I get it done now, I can relax later without any problems. What do I do? "Hey, look, it's 12AM, I should start my homework now!" Story of my crazy life.
How am I going to finish my story like this, when I use my procrastinating time on doing nothing? Use my procrastinating time on my story? Yeah, that failed. Next year, I'm going to have seven classes, maybe, and I want to participate in Octagon more. How do I plan on finishing all my homework and do all the stuff I want to do? I really need to learn how to prioritize my time. Have some self-control. School before anything else. Okay. I need to go. I have a 101-problem math assignment and I'm only 61/101 done. Ugh, why is this so hard? I still have a lot of English homework to do, too. I really hate my English teacher sometimes, I really do.

Dreamy

I kind of wonder what I'm going to do next year. If I think about it, I'm packing in a lot. I want to take seven classes. Six of them are required for me to take apparently, and I want to take journalism. If I do get a zero period (it isn't official yet, I still have to make an appointment with my counselor) that means I'll be waking up earlier in the morning for class then, which also means less time to mess around and less time to sleep. I also want to continue with Octagon, trying to participate in all the events, stay after school to help out, go out to all the games and cheer on people with the others. I was even thinking about trying for an officer position next year, thanks to Theodore's encouraging words. Of course, journalism and Octagon seems like it'll be taking a lot of my time. Next year I'm not planning to take dance class anymore, so that won't be a problem, and thankfully I quit piano class a long time ago (mainly because I realized piano really wasn't my thing). However, I have Chinese school and art class on Saturdays. I learned this year that lots of the events take place on Saturdays, like the Cherry Blossom Festival and Beach Clean-Up. I don't want to miss out especially on those two!
Naturally, I won't be glad if I don't get a zero period, either. I was really happy that I got chosen to be part of the staff amongst the others. It made me feel like I was worthy enough to be graced with a spot. Which brings me upon cross country in my mind.
When I was in cross country, the thought always came to me. "Why am I here? Was it because my friends begged me to? Was it because I wanted to hang out with my friends who I can't even keep up with? Was it because I had nothing else to do? Was it because I liked to run? What was my reason of being here?" My parents already have been giving me the feeling that I wouldn't be staying. I sucked, frankly speaking. Why did I continue to go every morning? And now, why do I feel a strange feeling of dread to go back there? My mind has been conflicting for a while. Would I go to cross country summer training or not? It seemed like a waste of time and waste of effort to me. I'm not good, I improve slowly, if hardly. I just wake up every morning to greet an elongated jog around town and the hammering of my chest. On the other hand, it's good to get some exercise. I sometimes run around the neighborhood (I confess that that isn't often, you can hardly consider it a monthly run) which is nice, it's stress free and relaxing. No one to pulls you over your limits and no one to watches you walk as they run past you saying, "Good job, guys", and you can't even respond because you just feel like you're about to die any second. But not being pushed isn't particularly good, though. You can sloth around all you want then, you'll never get better, and there's really no point that you even stepped out the door. There's no benefit besides that you feel good about yourself for a minute and then the moment you get back home, it's back to being a couch potato. And so the two sides of me clash. To go or not to go, that is the question?
When I scan up the page, I honestly wonder about my train of thought. It all seems to ramble on and the topic changes constantly. I confuse myself sometimes. In my writing and in my life. What do I even want to do, I wish I knew?