Fireworks in the Rain

Can't sleep. So after several weeks of dreading staying up this late for many reasons, now I'm just sitting here. Doing pretty much nothing. I was going to do math, but after I opened the book, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.
It's not like I have any complaints though. I'm pretty much satisfied with my life right now, I'm sure you all know why. I feel so awkward when I was reading some of my old posts. I always knew what I wrote was depressing, but man was it so depressing! Yes, pointing out the obvious is fun. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the people who actually read my blog. I mean, who wants to read a blog where the person is always saying that life is meaningless and says something borderline suicidal? Yeah, I'm so excited to read more.
Moving onto the present, the bright side of all this darkness, I seem to have found the pep in my step again! I've always wanted to use that phrase. Anyhow, yeah, I'm pretty sure my insomnia is back. I feel like I'm more hyper and cheery at school despite the lack of sleep. And, of course, I have gone back to appreciating the little things in life.
So in honor of the rebirth and sparkle in my life, a poem! If you know what I'm talking about in my poem, I congratulate you. Because sometimes I felt like even I didn't even understand what I was writing.

Fireworks

Rain splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Vivid red made my heart beat faster.
Cheerful orange made me wonder.
Bright yellow made me smile.
Curious green made me confused.
Solemn blue made me feel awkward.
Royal purple made me feel on top of the world.

Gray clouds loomed everywhere.
The colors faded, wilted, and died.
I threw open the curtains,
And there was an explosion of fireworks.

Yet rain still splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Don't you think these fireworks
Are so pretty
Even if it's late?
Emotions so loud
I tried to keep them silent
But the booms of colors
Made me explode.

Colors alighted around.
Just what does this mean?
I don't expect an answer,
But, I still need to scream.
I need to get this thank you
Out so the heavens can hear.

Thank you
For the ability to see again,
I love the colors in the sky.
Thank you
For bring tears to my eyes,
The sight is just too beautiful.
Thank you
For this explosion of feelings,
That lighted the whole world.
Thank you
For never letting the fireworks fade away.

Best Day. Ever.

November 5, 2009. 11:37PM. Anticipating, expectant, slightly hopeful, nervous.
November 5, 2009. 11:39PM. Shocked, surprised, confused, denial, realization, happy, trembling, overjoyed, on-top-of-the-world, jumping off the walls, I-would-scream-in-happiness-if-my-dad-wasn't-sleeping mode, life-couldn't-get-any-better mood, this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life feeling.
Suffice to say. November 5. Of 2009. At 11:39PM. Despite the fact that it was 21 minutes away from midnight. November 5. Was indeed. The best day of my 15-year old life. Best. Day. No matter what cruddy things happened to me earlier on that day. It's been overruled. Even if my day started from awful. It's now awesome. I don't even remember what I did. But it was definitely an awesome day. A beautiful day. A wonderful day. A terrific day it was! What did I do? NO CLUE. But it doesn't matter. It was, to put it simply, an absolutely-positively-awesome-possum-blossom-tremendous-stupendous-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day. November 5 is the best day ever. November is a wonderful month. 5 is a wonderful number. When you combine them, it's just the most incredible thing. Ever. Am I repeating myself too much? I'm repeating myself too much. Okay.

Halloween Cackle

So after reading my previous post, I feel kind of awkward since I went trick-or-treating with my friends as planned, and it was fun. Although I don't take back what I said . . . it was how I truly felt. Anyhow, so in the first time in forever, I'm blogging about something positive. Shocker, isn't it? I'm going to start out with my sucky morning though.
Well, I had to do this Chinese presentation on a capital or something, and mine was on Rabat, which I never even heard of before. Anyhow, so I mine was the worst one. It's not even a joke. Allow me to explain why. First of all, I pronounced the capital name wrong. That's just sad. Secondly, it was't creative, no pretty or fantastic pictures of people, places, or food, unlike everyone else's. Third, I was supposed to type "Hassan Tower" on the top of the slide, but since I didn't know how, I used Wikipedia (since there's sometimes an option to see stuff in Chinese). But apparently, instead of copying "Hassan Tower", I copied "Wikipedia". That's just so freakin' sad and embarassing. Did I mention my teacher recorded everything and is posting it on Youtube? So humilating. And last, but not least, I knew nothing. Everyone's presentation, they were looking around the room, talking more in depth about their slide, like they've been there before, or something. Me, I was staring at my powerpoint, I didn't even know how to say the words have the time, too. I just felt so retarded up there.
Basically, my hatred for Chinese school has shot up dramatically and I really wish I didn't have to go back there ever again. I came home, ate some leftover pizza (yesterday, my dad and I had Papa John's pizza, it was the first time we tried it, but it was pretty darn good). I watched some anime and took an unfurfilling thirty minute nap. After dragging me out of bed, my dad drove me to art class. I wasn't in a very artistic mood, so I painted really slowly, and the details were pretty messed up, I'll fix it next week or something. I came back and kinda just laid around in bed, I dosed off for a little while, rumaged through my room for a costume, dressed up as a wannabe pirate, then headed over to Revathi's house.
Hee Soo was already there, being a weirdo. Diana took a while to arrive, what a weirdo. Yasmin's aunt had a party or something, so she couldn't come to go trick or treat with us, she's a weirdo. Ahaha. I don't know why I'm saying that. Anyhow, we kind of hanged out there for a while before leaving to go trick or treating. It was pretty awkward to hold my bag out for candy, because I seriously felt like I was some kind of beggar. It was even more awkward after I got the candy. I'd say thank you, then bring forth the courage to say, "have a nice evening." I'm so awkward around strangers. Diana and Revathi were all walking really fast, probably so they can rake in more booty (attempting pirate talk), but Hee Soo and I were all walking slowly, just cause. So, what interesting happened? Hee Soo kept getting freaked out by stuff like wavy grass, thinking it looked like a graveyard or something. Hasn't she ever seen wavy grass before? What a deprived child. Just kidding. Hrm, so the highlight of my entire day was this next part. So there was this head decoration on the porch of a person's house. Hee Soo all said how creepy it was, so just to bug her, I wanted to pat it on the head. I did so, but then it's head started moving and groaned loudly. Diana jumped and yelled, Revathi was indifferent, Hee Soo screamed loudly and clinged onto my arm . . . with her nails. It was hilarous, I started laughing obnoxiously loud so that the person in the house came outside to look what happened (that or Diana and Revathi alread ringed the bell, I'm not too sure, since Hee Soo and I took our time to catch up). Yeah, that was fun. Oh, and I saw my old afterschool English teacher. I actually don't remember her name, and after looking at her for a while, I suddenly recognized who she was. Wow, it sure brought back memories. I still remember how she'd give out the beginning of a story and we'd have to come up with the rest. I loved to hear everyone's story and we'd all laugh at how weird they were. The teacher would give out saltwater taffy, buy McDonald cookies that were still warm, give us presents during Christmas, and the homework assignments were so much fun. Ah, good times. I really missed her. I wish I had said something, but I don't think she would have remembered me. I grew taller, changed my hairstyle (I used to always have my hair up in a ponytail and have straight Asian bangs), and I had this makeshift eyepatch thing on too, which made it hard to see a good deal of my face (including my other eye . . .). Well, it was nice to just see her, regardless. I hope she's doing well.
We went back to Revathi's house, but Yasmin all wanted us to go over to her aunt's house to go trick or treating, but we decided it was a bit late. We wanted to just go over there and gamble with our candy, but Hee Soo's mom said it was too late to go out, then Revathi decided to be a pal and stay behind. Diana and I, knowing Yasmin would probably give us the guilt trip if we excluded her on the Halloween fun, left to go to her aunt's house. Diana's mom was driving us, and we all got lost. We were all staring at the MapQuest directions in the light of my flashlight. I think I got us all confused, I have a bad sense of direction, they should have known better than to listen to me! Anyhow, we finally made it there after a bunch of pauses and staring into the night to see if we can make out the house numbers in the dark. We got there and we were all worried Yasmin left to go back home or something, so we were all hiding and stuff, but then we heard a bunch of clanking, like someone was messing with the locks or something. I figured it was Yasmin and she couldn't get the door to open, so I burst out in, once again, and obnoxiously loud laugh until Yasmin finally threw open the door and Diana yelled out, "Trick or treat!" We went inside and there was food left, so we were welcomed to steal their food. You know what was so cool? The punch bowl. Why? No, there wasn't stuff in it! But there were small glass cups where you could just dip it into the punch bowl. I've always wanted to do that! It was so awesome, I just stood there, scooping up punch and then pouring it back in, then scooping up some more. Yeah, I'm weird. Anyhow, it was past 10, and Diana got a call from Revathi, then Diana relayed the message to me that my dad has been calling me for the past hour (my dad drove to her house to see where I was, even though he knew I was at Yasmin's aunt's house, but didn't know where it was). I looked at my phone, which was on silent, and there was 47 missed calls from my dad. My bad . . . After calling him and calming his worried mind, the time left at Yasmin's aunt's house was limited. We spent most of the time, holding battery-powered candle flames up to our faces and telling humorous horror stories. Ask Diana about it, it was a well-thought out story. With a hilarous ending! Then we all passed the candle light (which later became a flashlight, I have no idea where Diana found it) telling a part of the story and then passing it onto the other person to continue it. Yeah, it was funny.
I finally came home around 11 and my father was obviously not pleased. He didn't seem as angry as I thought he would be, but I guess his anger subsided in the 20 minutes since I called him.
I showered, then just sat here doing stuff, going on Facebook, blogging. Yeah. Well, I'm going to bed soon, it's like 12:32 now (wasn't typing the entire time). Night.

Do You Mind?

I just realized that I never updated about how school was for me. So the first two days have been great. I like my teachers, the classes are very interesting. The one I probably dislike the most so far is P.E. Since all we do is sit on very uncomfortable benches and talk. It's not like I don't like talking with people, but it's P.E., we should be out there running or something! Anyhow, it'll get better after the teachers do their thing, give us our lockers, and finally let us move onto the great outdoors. When that happens, my most unfavorable class would probably be Pre-Calculus. It's just not exciting, not to mention, I've never liked math. Zero period Chemistry is okay, the teacher seems pretty cool and Yasmin's in my class. First period P.E., I already talked about. Second period English is great. My teacher seems really cool. We haven't really done much yet, but I just get a vibe that it's going to be a great year. Third period journalism. Oh my gosh, it's like heaven, but I'm alive somehow.
--journalism rant--
The journalism adviser (I don't really like calling her the journalism teacher, because it just feels weird that way), Mrs. Beach, is cool. She's been teaching English for 30 years, worked with a bunch of editors in the past, and has taught journalism for, was it over 25 years? I don't remember. Anyhow, she's really cool and fun. The whole team is just as great. Although I've yet to talk to them or get to know any of them up close, they all just seem so enthusiastic about being there. When Mrs. Beach asks who wants to run an errand for her, this one guy--I forgot his name already--literally jumps up as he says, "I'll do it!" It's so cute. Currently, I really don't have much of a position in journalism. I'm currently fighting for the columnist position. It's just where you can write anything you want, but it has to be creative, funny, and connects with the readers. It's kind of like an editorial. Anyhow, I think it's a nice position, and I thought it was interesting, except there's a bunch of other people who want to spot just as much as I do. I'm a bit intimidated. Guys, you can shower me with as many compliments as you want, but in my head, it will always be, in 18 point font, Arial, bold, "Don't stand a chance." We have to write a sample column and you know, my grammar, vocabulary, and spelling sucks, don't ask why I want to be an author. I actually don't have a good sense of humor. I laugh at really weird things and the jokes I make are really lame puns that make some of my friends depressed because it was really just that lame. Creative, I guess I'm okay with, but I've thought of several ideas and I realize that my topic is just weird and stupid or I have nothing to say about it. Yeah, I went from very optimistic to very pessimistic. I depress myself. You know, I have to sell ads (as in going to businesses or academies to see if they'll pay so their ad shows up in our newspaper) and sell up to $50 or I don't get an 'A'. My parents said something about it sounding like bribery for a grade. I know we need money, the school doesn't fund us, and all the schools have their own money issue. And for people's information, our school ads are so not cheap. When people get their free newspaper, most of the time, the random pieces of paper stuffed in there are not random, they're ads we call "inserts". So while the inserts fall out of people's newspapers and flutter around school like tumbleweed, people paid $45 each for that. As a person who's money is actually just a collection of pocket change my sister gave me (the rest of my dollar bills were spent to pay my dues, meaning to pay back friends money I borrowed), that is a freaking lot of money. To print all 10 issues of the newspaper spends us up over $4,000, since we do have to supply 8 pages of a newspaper to over 2,200 students plus facility. You'd think people would respect the newspaper, you'd think. On the bright side, since lots of businesses buy ads (they're practically donating us the money) we usually have money leftover, which we spend to buy new computers for journalism/yearbook staff.
--end of journalism rant--
Fourth period is math, and you heard my opinion of it. Fifth period history is pretty interesting. The teacher is nice, she makes history much more interesting, granted she told us the history of how sticking up your middle finger came to be, how sayings like "raining cats and dog" came about, and did you know "saved by the bell" was actually people buried alive ringing that bell? Anyhow, that was the first day, and the second day we went to get our textbooks, so I'll see how much I enjoy history later on. I don't really like the people in there, it's full of people who'd always cause trouble and mess around. I'll live, though, hopefully. And finally, sixth period is Spanish. The actually teacher isn't around, so we have a substitute named Mrs. Smart. She lives up to her name rather well, and I think she's a rather interesting teacher. I remember her from substituting my Spanish teacher last year. She's a nice person with many years of experience, though the class gets pretty tough with her manning the station.
I won't lie in saying that I get pretty worn out after class. Perhaps taking a zero period was a mistake? Who knows? Maybe the future.

I Always Seem to Type to Blog Title Last

Here I am as always, up during unsightly hours of the morning that could also be referred to as night. I've been thinking a lot, as always, and you know, I feel very insecure. I'm not going to go on a rampage again about feeling "uneasy" and all, this is a different type of insecurity. I think. Ages and ages before on this blog, I told a tale from years before, my childhood. If I think about what I say to people, I feel like I make it overly dramatic about having no "real" friends back then. I blamed a great deal of my old friends for using me and wanting to do nothing with me when I was long overdue. But I kind of wonder if it's really just all my fault. I was happy. I really did enjoy hanging out with them, Meghan, Erin, Mary Anne, Stephanie, Tiffany, Kayla, Caroline, Jennifer, Catherine, and of course, Michelle. During the different years, I've moved on from friend to friend, and in most cases, I never really talked to my old friends from the previous grade. She'd be busy with her new friends, and I'll be busy with mine, but it never really bothered me until the fourth grade. The story is long and has been told too many times, but it's a real-life story that I felt like changed my entire view of my friends. Betrayal and blurred memories are cruel things. All I know is that, after that day, I've accused my friend at the time for using me and backstabbing me. But is what I thought happened really occur? Is everything I told myself a lie, and all the hatred built up from falsehood? Was one of the few grudges I could never let go never existent between the two of us? Then it wasn't just her, that one girl, it was all of them. I thought ill of my old friends, but wasn't it the both of us who moved on? Wrath is a sin I am guilty of. Michelle was the only one who was spared from my criticism and judgment. After all, she was the only one who'd talk to me once in a while even after kindergarten has passed. Year after another, we'd hang out once in a while. That's how she became to be my best friend, and somehow my "only real friend". This old tale gets longer when I've learned to regret what I've thought about my friends, though the story never seems to change (As I've said in a previous post, I tend to want pity. Hey, this entire post could be filled with my pity-yearning words. I can't even understand myself anymore . . .). In the sixth grade, when my sister went off to college, it got lonesome at home, and I felt bad about never making an effort to stay friends with people for over a year. And so I ventured to enforce my friendship with Michelle. Before I entered middle school, I was torn when I learned Michelle wasn't attending the same school as me. I wanted to hold onto her, the one person who never seemed to get sick of my company and the person I worked with so much so that our bond was strong. I found that our friendship wasn't so flimsy and I would go and contact Michelle occasionally over the two years. When I moved onto high school, the first thought that entered my mind was, "I can see Michelle almost everyday again." And when the school year began, I wondered. Indeed, I got to see her, talk to her, but then she'd hang out with her friends. Of course she'd make new friends. Michelle isn't a person who'd go past the years without making an effort to be around people she likes. I made friends, people who I really enjoy being around, too. But you know, they always hang out. They go to the beach, they go to movies, they have picnics and potlucks. Some days, I would just I stand behind Michelle and listen to her talk to her friends. She'd sound so happy, and the rest of them were too, laughing until their guts hurt. And sometimes I wondered if she liked being around them more than me. I'm not that cheery of a person (go figure). I try to look on the bright side, but when it comes to the "bright side" for me, it's more like the loony side. If you hang out with me a lot (I don't know who would be reading this if they didn't), don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Laughing insanely for no reason, talking nonsense and babbling weird, happy things. I know I can be happy without being a nut, but I feel like I'm just a nut anyways all the time. By the way, I'm very self-conscious about being "weird" around people I don't really know which is usually why in class, I'm as stiff as a stick--which are actually pretty bendy, depending on it's thickness. Anyhow, I'd worry if I bring Michelle down sometimes. "Live, laugh, and laugh some more." is her motto, she told me once. Every now and then, I have an insecure moment for myself to worry about my friendship with her. One of the days happened to be yesterday, by the way. Program verification day is coming up for school, which means we need to find locker buddies and such. Last year, I was Michelle's partner, and this year, I forgot about the whole thing for so long, I was worried that someone else teamed up with Michelle (Last year, I asked her several months in advance because I didn't want her middle school friends taking the opportunity. Not like I didn't/don't love you guys, Pie.). I worried all day yesterday and I finally gathered up the courage to call (Since in truth, I get nervous about phone calls.). The line was busy and I threw my phone down dramatically then proceeded by shaking my fists at the heavens. But then I had to check if my phone was still alive. Yes, I was trying to be funny when I was typing that (Although it did happen, strangely enough.). Was anyone amused? Then, today, when my dad handed the phone over to me and I was pretty surprised when I heard Michelle's voice on the other end. I was absolutely blissed that she called me to ask if I wanted to be locker buddies with her, absolutely blissed. Right now at um, 3:30AM, I'm still very happy that she wanted to be paired up with me again. She even said sorry for not really staying touch with me, which was so nice of her, especially since I basically did nothing either . . . Guilt trip. Then we had a nice little talk about what we were going to do about our locker, and yeah. After I hanged up, I was still high on relief. Then I went back to my guilt trip. I doubt Michelle at times, about if she really wants to hang out with me or not, but then she does something for me that just makes me want to slap myself for being a bad friend and doubting her. You know, after typing for so long, and now I'm really really really tired, I went from a serious typing blog person to a person who wants to put in a random comedy video that I haven't even seen. Basically, I have no idea why I'm talking about this anymore. I had to scroll up to reread what I said earlier. Insecure. Yeah, I felt insecure about my friendship with Michelle, but now it's all better. Yay! Okay, I'm going to bed, night.

I'm Back, Guys!

So I finally come back to Blogger to find that no one else that I'm following has posted anything. Come on, I disappear all the time, but you guys can't, post more! Just kidding. Anyhow, so I've been kind of busy, but not really. It's more like busy playing computer games. So the main reason that I was gone for a long while was World of Kung Fu, or as my sister, Joy, her boyfriend, Matt, and I say it, Wok-Fu (don't judge me just because I'm Chinese!). It's an online game, kind of like Maple Story, Guild Wars, and all those other games. Anyhow, in case you didn't know, I'm absolutely horrible with computers. I can destroy them so fast while trying not to, it's not even funny. Sometimes it's a really bad virus, another time I killed my harddrive, but one way or another, I'm just murdering my computer, and I think my dad is getting tired of always trying to fix it. Then again, I have a tenancy to break other things, too. Anyhow, I just got a new harddrive, so my computer is relatively empty and I didn't have Wok-Fu on my computer anymore. So I downloaded it to find it freezing up on me all the time, so I barely got to actually play. My sister, in frustration, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer, but failed. But suddenly, my sister came up with the idea of me using her old laptop, which she used to play Wok-Fu on, so it was already on there. We were just like, "Why didn't I think of it sooner!" So for the last few days, I've just been playing Wok-Fu practically all day, me on my sister's old laptop, and Joy on her new one. There hasn't been cross country on since Wednesday, either, so I'm not exhausted when I come home and just sleep all the time. I've almost done with my math homework, too, though. My sister's been very generous when I work on my homework and when I get to play Wok-Fu with her and Matt. I'm supposedly finishing up on it right now. I am, but I stop to type this blog post once in a while though. I don't like leaving my blog all alone for too long. It makes me feel like I might just never come back, causing this blog to join my pile of diaries and journals that I started, but they're all blank after the first few pages. Anyhow, yeah. I also needed record another thing.
Today was a pretty busy day if you ask me. First, I had to wake up around 7:30AM, get ready, and I set off to Yasmin's house. For what, you may ask? Kayaking. Obviously, I'm not kayaking at her house, but her dad was going to drive us to the beach, since he's cool like that. So the kayaking group consisted of Yasmin, her cousin, Catherine (Katherine?), Diana, and I'm there, too, of course. I got at her house around 8:15, I think, but Diana was running late. When we were driving to the beach, it was nearly 9:00, which was the time everything was supposedly to start, but we ended up standing around, waiting for other people. The instructor all started off explaining a few things to us like the map and where we are going to go. It was an interesting experience. I went on the same kayak as Diana, Yasmin went with Catherine. It took me a long while to handle paddling, but I think I'm doing pretty okay. Except there were a few times where I totally threw the boat off course and we nearly hit the yachts dock. The instructor saw Diana and I crash, so he started lecturing us. For some reason, he kind of annoyed me. It's not that he's mean or anything. He's just teaching us after all, but for some reason, the things he says just kind of bothers me. And he always seem to be there when we're doing bad! Like, we were all paddling, Diana and I. We were doing really good, even though we were kind of behind because we were the last few to leave the Wetlands (a place where you can only go into when it's hightide, because it's really shallow. You could even feel the clay with your hand and stuff). Then Yasmin's kayak appeared out of nowhere, but Diana, being the crazy person she is, threw a chunk of the clay she took at her boat. Then our boat turned a bit, so it was heading for Yasmin's boat. Diana and I were trying to divert from danger, but ended up bumping into them. Of course, the instructor just had to be there and said, "What, you girls still can't go straight? Show me how to move the kayak straight!" Then yeah, we started paddling away from them, since the instructor seemed to bother Diana, too. Anyhow, the day was overly- all. I want to go kayaking again soon. On a Sunday, next time, though, because today, the instructor was telling us to go faster and such, when we just wanted to chill. On Saturdays it's this orientation thing, where the instructor tells you how things work, and all that stuff, then you follow him everywhere. Plus, I, for one, was a little rushed, because I had art class at 2PM, and the kayaking thing ended at 1. I just went directly from Yasmin's house to my art class. My shorts were still wet from kayaking when I got back home at 4! It was nice to change into dry pants, though. Just saying. Ugh, but my arms ache, and my back for some reason. I think I did something crazy and forgot about it. Well, hopefully I won't be dying tomorrow when I wake up! Hopefully . . .

Without a Shred of Doubt

So today, I woke up at 12PM to make sandwiches. Nice way to start off a day and a blog post! Anyhow, so Susan, a friend of Michelle's that I became friends with in Biology class, randomly invited me to go to a pot luck after cross country this one time. There would be a bunch of people from Tezlaff who I don't really know, but I was just like, sure, why not? So since it was a pot luck, obviously, I had to bring food, but Susan didn't do a great job at organizing and seeing who was going to bring what, so I just made sandwiches. The little get together was at Heritage Park at 2PM, so I just chewed on one of the sandwiches I made while watching some great anime. "One Piece" is awesome, I love it. I used to keep up with it, but then I stopped randomly, and now I'm starting up again from the very beginning. There's like 400 episodes, though, so far. I wonder what's taking so long for it to end, but I just love "One Piece", I'd be so sad if it ended. A lot of animes that I watch end at the 12th episode, so it's nice for one that I watch is really long. "Bleach" is pretty long, too, but I think it's going to end soon.
Stepping away from my little anime rant and back to my day, I was wandering around Heritage like a lost puppy. Susan told me it'd be near the baseball field, but there were so many people sitting in groups and such that I wasn't too sure where they were. I called Susan's cell phone, but one of the Tezlaff people I don't know, I think it was Jee Soo or Michelle (not the one I know), picked up and was attempting to help me get there. Apparently it was easier to just tell them where I was then where they were. Since I was standing near the baseball field alone, the group of people there stood up and waved to me. When I got there, there was a bunch of mats spread out under a tree, and I realized that most of the people already came but just off doing errands like filling up the water guns or water balloons. Susan and Julia, another person I know from cross country, got out of a car and was carrying buckets of water balloons. After everyone gathered up, I had to ask Michelle (Pang) for everyone's name. I don't know anyone's last name, but the people who gathered together were Michelle (Pang), Susan, Julia, Abraham, Young, Ian, Jee Soo, Michelle, Heidi, Allyson, Amanda, Edward, Joshua, and Shawn. It was pretty fun. We first had to eat because Michelle (Pang) was dying from hunger since she didn't eat lunch. Then we had an epic balloon fight where we all ganged up on Susan, and she was just like, "Why me?" She ran crazy fast and everyone just chased after her. She was totally soaked afterwards. I managed to stay pretty dry, but then Allyson and Julia decided I was too dry. After running around like crazy people, they finally got me wet. Then people set up the little volleyball net that Michelle (Pang) brought, while Susan, Julia, Allyson, and I ran over to Allyson's house, which was really close by, to make more water balloons. When we came back, everyone was either sitting on the laid out mats or playing volleyball. Since we came back with the real fun, we started it off with a water balloon toss. You know, where you toss the water balloon back and forth between two partners to see if they'll drop/break it or not. After that, we armed ourselves with the water balloons and water guns again to go out to war. It was soaked more this time, but that just means it was more fun for me. Occasionally throughout the day, I'd go on a little "break" from the festivity and eat a brownie or two. Amanda made them and they are so good! She left around 4PM, though, because of a basketball game and left them for us to eat. I brought them home with me since no one else wanted to, and because they were just that good. Enough about the food, the day has not yet finished. Well, Joshua actually didn't come until around 4PM--apparently he was out eating with his family or something--and everyone decided to take pictures in remembrance of the day. At first, everyone was being crazy and wanted us to make a pyramid, but that wasn't very successful. After a few crazy shots of us jumping in the air and just scrunched together in a group, a bunch of people started to leave. It came down to a small group of people, me, Michelle (Pang), Michelle, Susan, Julia, Jee Soo, Shawn, Joshua, and Edward. We played this weird Rock-Paper-Scissors Truth-or-Dare game where the loser has to do a Truth-or-Dare. Edward lost the first time, so we made him propose to Shawn and kiss his hand. It was pretty hilarious, yet kind of sad since it was embarrassing for them to do that in public. Well, we played that game again a few times, Michelle had to choose one guy amongst the group who she'd prefer the most to marry, Joshua had to call Susan's stalker and tell him to back off. I managed to stay in the safe zone, so I didn't have to do anything, just laugh and be amused at what everyone else was doing. Later we just went in a circle doing truths and such. My truth wasn't very interesting. To me that is. They just asked if I was a guy, which girl in the group I'd choose to go out with. Automatically I pointed to Michelle. Everyone was like, "Really?" for a moment, but then I explained how I've known her since kindergarten and everyone immediately understood. Then we just sat around talking, but it was maingly just Joshua talking. I used to think he was a bit annoying when we had P.E. together, but today, I thought he was really interesting to listen to. It wasn't like he was hogging up all the talking, but it was kind of like he was the entertainer and we were the audience. Once in a while, we'd have our moment to talk, exchanging interesting comments, then it'd turn back to Joshua. It's not like he's just talking to fill up the silence either. I really don't like people who just can't appreciate a moment of silence. Some people just feel the need to always be talking or making someone else to talk a lot. It wasn't like that with that group. The day was relaxed, but still fun. I had just met a lot of these people, and yet I didn't feel uncomfortable around them. I assume that these are just the kind of people Michelle is drawn to. I still remember a particular conversation I had with her. I was telling her how there was a lot of other people I knew from elementary school at Carmenita and I hung out with them. Michelle said something along the lines of how I was lucky and that she had to make new friends among people from other schools at Tezlaff. But I had no doubt that the people Michelle chose as friends are great people. Now I know, after meeting a good amount of them, that they seem to be just that, wonderful people. I hope I'll be able to become closer friends with them gradually.

Tell Me the Reason Why

It's past midnight, I need to wake up early for school tomorrow (today) to turn in my textbooks, I still need to last minute cram for my English and Spanish finals, so why am I here? I don't even know why myself. I just feel like a little rant. My friend sent me an email saying "don't you sometimes wish Life was like a Word document? You can use the scrollbar to whiz past the ugly moments of life, the undo button to undo mistakes, the "Find" tool to find missing things, the highlight thingy to highlight the good parts of you and have people not focus on the bad things so much." I was just like, wow. I don't know how to say this. "Deep" is the word? "Good reason"? I'm at a loss of words a lot lately. Not good since I'm shifting into a writing mode for the summer. Anyhow, I was just impressed by something she said. Then I kind of wondered what if we could do those things. I remember a time in elementary school, I played so much video games over the summer, came back to school, and when I messed up, I actually thought, "Where's the restart button?" I feel really dumb for thinking that, but what if there was one? You could start everything over so it's right. You could do things your way, have the life you wanted. What the point, though? To be happy? What about other people? Let's say you want to be with a guy, so you use that "restart" button to your advantage so you end up with him? What about another girl who wanted that guy? Would she have a "restart", too? If she ends up taking your man from you, what would you do in response? Have a "restart" war? Ignore my really weird example for a moment and think about it. Someone is going to have to be miserable. The only thing is to toughen up. The world is not full of smooth roads and if you trip, you've got to wipe those tears out of your eyes, get up, and keep going. "Suffering builds character", I quote from The Wanderer by Sharon Creech.
I've watched many animes and read plenty of books where the creator expressed their view on the "meaning of life". What really is the meaning of life? I wonder. It seems like it can be anything. I guess whatever floats your boat, that's the meaning of life to you. To me, I think the meaning of life is to experience things. Live for the sorrowful and painful times (I don't mean to be masochistic). Yearn for those happy and carefree moments. Feel all sorts of emotions! Feel love, sad, happy, envy, pain, joy, sympathy, apathy, excited, anger, lust, sinful, crazy, sick, anxious, embarrassed, satisfaction, nervous, hurt, elated, shocked, depressed, emotional, and so many more feelings! Meet different people with unique looks, personalities, hobbies, and talents. Encounter millions of events that could happen only for you. Our lives are different, let's explore them and realize "no one will have the same life as mine". May we relish the good and bad times is dependent on the person, but I, for one, feel like my life would be empty if I left a blank where all the bad times were supposed to be. I'd still feel empty if I only experienced happy feelings, because I've never seen the other side or know what it's like. If bad feelings were erased entirely? If there was no such thing as negative feelings, that's a different story for another day.

In Just a Flash

Wow. I must say. Wow. So, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I went to volunteer at Gonsalves's cultural fair, "A Taste of Gonsalves", for Octagon and I must say, I had so much fun. I'm in such a good mood. Wow. I can't believe I was in such a rotten mood before! So I had to run to get a tennis ball and we may or may not run on Monday as a punishment, big "boo hoo". I forgot to do some of my homework, wah, the world's going to end. Oh, I might have done bad on my Spanish written, oh no, whatever will I do? Isn't it funny that depending on your mood, you just feel so stupid for feeling or acting the way you did? Well, allow me to rant on some more happier (optimistic) things to make up for my negative (pessimistic) rambling I did earlier.
So after scarfing down some food for dinner and rushing to get to Gonsalves I felt kind of lost. I didn't go to Gonsalves for elementary school, nor have I been there before. There a ticket stand and at first I thought, "Shoot, was I supposed to bring money?" I told the people at the table that I was there to volunteer and they slid a paper towards me and asked if my name was on there. I was all panicking that it wasn't, but the kind ladies pointed me to someone else who just sent me off to work at the craft's center. Once again, I was feeling lost and insecure. I mean, I had no idea where the craft's center was supposed to be. Then I saw a fellow Octagoner, Brian, and he pointed me in the right direction. However, after going into the room, for the third time, I was at lost what in the world I should be doing. They asked me to help them with the children and their crafts, but it didn't seem like they needed much help. I managed to find the women who was in charge of the chaotic scene and placed me at an empty table.
It was kind of slow because all the kids that ran by just looked at me and kept going. Others were like, this seems boring and walked off to amuse themselves. I was just doodling on the table, since it was covered in paper, then a friend of mine, Pooja, popped up. She was nice enough to stick around and keep me company. She even took one of the color pages. Each cultural group gets to chose what they wanted to do (I overheard this information for a teacher named Mrs. Anderson). The table I was at, it seemed that the Hindi group wanted to have a coloring page of their flag and give children and example of how to write and pronounce, "Hello", "Welcome", and "Goodbye". Pooja was prideful of being Indian and wrote many other words I didn't understand. We sat around talking for a bit. This one man walked past and said, "Hey, they tell you how to say 'Hi' in Chinese." Pooja and I just laughed. At least he was able to tell I was Chinese. Pooja later had to leave to watch her brother perform and I was alone once again. Then a little girl came and actually colored. She was sociable little girl, thankfully for me, since I'm not really one to start a conversation myself. Her name was Sydney. She talked about how she loved crayons (which were used to color) and wanted to be an artist.
When she was done with the sheet she left and soon after that, we had to clean up. I was thankful that I had something I could actually help out with. However, when I was cleaning, the teacher in charge of Octagon, Ms. K, saw me wearing my shirt and came over to talk to me. She was asking me about things about signing in and getting free tickets for food, but since I told her I wasn't too sure where to go--Ms.K said lots of people didn't--she lead me to the Italian stand where one of the Octagoner's mom was helping out at. I got five free tickets and signed in, but I figured that I should continue help cleaning the crafts center and decided to head back there. But first, one of the student helpers intercepted me and asked if I wanted a necklace. It had white, green, and red beads (the colors of the Italian flag). I gave him a ticket for it.
When I got into the crafts center they were still cleaning so I just helped pick up trash and such. Sydney was there and she helped out with me. She seems like such a nice little girl. We talked while cleaning. Somehow we got onto talking about the food being served out in stands and Sydney was saying how she couldn't even get tickets to buy food, but the teacher looked her suspiously, as if it was her that brought food into the crafts center, which isn't allowed. So I decided to give her one of mine, since I didn't know what I'd use them for. Later, when we were done cleaning, she asked if I could be her friend. That was so cute! I was like, "Aww, sure. But we're probably not going to see each other very much, though." Then Sydney, being the cute girl she is, says, "It's okay, we can still be friends even though we can't see each other." That was so, so, so, so cute! I could have hugged her, but it seemed kind of awkward for me, since I'm not the hugging-type.
Well, Sydney's mother was beckoning her to go and that was my goodbye to my new little friend. Since my business was done in the room, I went outside to go look around. I felt kind of weird by myself so I went back to the Italian booth to get Napoleons (a pastry) that even had a little Italian flag on top of it. It was good. The people at the stand got me another one for free! That was nice of them. Except I was still full from dinner, so I just carried it around with me everywhere.
So basically everything was slowly closing down, so I decided to help out. I went to the booth that Brian and another Octagoner, Cherise, were at and helped them. Apparently Brian love Napoleons so I gave him mine, so that got rid of it. I just ran around offering my help and such, taking down banners, decorations, and other things. Before I knew it, it was already dark. I met other Octagoners, Theodore and Marrisa (it was her mother that was helping out). I got to talk to both of them a bit, so that was nice. Last minute bonding with my fellow members, well, they're actually officers. It was fun talking and working with them. Theodore, the new president of Octagon since yesterday, I believe (since at the banquet, they were telling who was chosen to be the new Octagon officers for the next year. I forgot to mention that in my other post), if not, I know he was and is an Octagon officer. Well, anyhow, he was talking to me about being paired up with an officer next year to organize an event and I could get experience, maybe running for a position next year, too. I was touched really. I was kind of ashamed, too, since I didn't participate that much. It was just yesterday (I was helping him clean yesterday, too, now that I think about it) and today that I was everywhere trying to help. But still, I was really glad he gave me that consideration.
And so, I came home with delicious Philipino rice cakes that I got with the rest of my tickets, I even got two free ones! The people there are sure generous.
I wish my elementary school had a huge cultural fair like Gonsalves's. Pooja claimed that she thought of having a cultural fair when she was class president and that the school stole her idea and didn't give her credit. When I told her I wished my school had a fun event like their's, Pooja said, "That's because they didn't have me!" Well, I was glad to have a good time and helping out. It felt good when people thanked me for helping them clean up. I hope I'll be able to do it again next year!