Fireworks in the Rain

Can't sleep. So after several weeks of dreading staying up this late for many reasons, now I'm just sitting here. Doing pretty much nothing. I was going to do math, but after I opened the book, I didn't feel like doing it anymore.
It's not like I have any complaints though. I'm pretty much satisfied with my life right now, I'm sure you all know why. I feel so awkward when I was reading some of my old posts. I always knew what I wrote was depressing, but man was it so depressing! Yes, pointing out the obvious is fun. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the people who actually read my blog. I mean, who wants to read a blog where the person is always saying that life is meaningless and says something borderline suicidal? Yeah, I'm so excited to read more.
Moving onto the present, the bright side of all this darkness, I seem to have found the pep in my step again! I've always wanted to use that phrase. Anyhow, yeah, I'm pretty sure my insomnia is back. I feel like I'm more hyper and cheery at school despite the lack of sleep. And, of course, I have gone back to appreciating the little things in life.
So in honor of the rebirth and sparkle in my life, a poem! If you know what I'm talking about in my poem, I congratulate you. Because sometimes I felt like even I didn't even understand what I was writing.

Fireworks

Rain splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Vivid red made my heart beat faster.
Cheerful orange made me wonder.
Bright yellow made me smile.
Curious green made me confused.
Solemn blue made me feel awkward.
Royal purple made me feel on top of the world.

Gray clouds loomed everywhere.
The colors faded, wilted, and died.
I threw open the curtains,
And there was an explosion of fireworks.

Yet rain still splattered on the ground,
And colors flooded the world.
I'm dripping the paint all around
The canvas where they exploded and swirled.

Don't you think these fireworks
Are so pretty
Even if it's late?
Emotions so loud
I tried to keep them silent
But the booms of colors
Made me explode.

Colors alighted around.
Just what does this mean?
I don't expect an answer,
But, I still need to scream.
I need to get this thank you
Out so the heavens can hear.

Thank you
For the ability to see again,
I love the colors in the sky.
Thank you
For bring tears to my eyes,
The sight is just too beautiful.
Thank you
For this explosion of feelings,
That lighted the whole world.
Thank you
For never letting the fireworks fade away.

I Don't Know

Untitled.

I feel that the wind could stir everything.
Not one that glides across
The surface of the Earth,
But from the universe.
Under the sun,
The planets gather like rain clouds
And meteor showers
Rain on the world.
Thunder cracks.
Cracks on the sidewalk.
Light blooming,
Blooming flowers.
Roaring cries,
Crying people.
Hurricanes don't startle us more
Than the breeze of the universe.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Fluttering skies.
Step.
Step.
Vibrating air.
Bang.
Bang.
Uncomfortable pain,
That's seems so small
When the universe wind blows.

As Water Clear, As Mud Thick

In a Heartbeat
Scraping sounds upon the door,
And my heart started to beat faster without knowing what for.
No one knows this feeling,
Because I'm all but alone to hear the shrilling,
Except I'm the only one who's terrified.
And the other knew what to do, he's specialized.
My soul was slipping,
The room, I swear, was tipping,
A dark hand reached towards me,
But I could do nothing to be free.
For life, I could jump,
But in jumping, there is no triumph.
Perhaps my breath will be stolen away,
And everything will end the same way.

Heart racing,
Compensating
For the beats that can't be done
When living,
When breathing,
When beating,
Stops.

Four Pieces of Sin
Tangled intestines,
Blinding pain,
Dying slowly as I come
All
Apart.
Breath ceased,
Lodged throat,
My lungs are breaking
All
Apart.
Heart stuck,
Dripping blood,
My love is coming
All
Apart.
Mangled mind,
Twisting world,
I'm falling
All
Apart.
These pieces,
They make
A deformed
Monster.
I scream,
I cry,
I become
All
Flustered.
This crime,
I can only
Make a
Monster.
With my stained hands,
With my own soul.

Just rambling about more angry feelings by in poems. And in case you guys don't get what I'm trying to say, no, I don't want to kill anyone. I'm just upset at myself again.

Everything and Nothing

This might seem like a love poem, which I guess it could be, but I just thought of it randomly with a little inspiration from Kuroshitsuji (Yes, Hee Soo, I'm reading it).

"Everything and Nothing"
No matter where you are,
You are my everything.
But why is it that I feel
When you aren't here with me
That I'm not anything to you?
I'm nothing.

We're making promises
To be together
Forever
When we don't even know how long
Forever will be.

We can laugh and smile,
Because these tears tickle
As they trickle their way
Down our cheeks
And off our faces.
They're beautiful,
These beads of jade.

Ah, the footsteps,
They fall
So close.
Hush.
Don't breath,
Don't speak,
Don't listen,
Don't look.
Don't you cry,
I'll protect you
This final time.

There is no forever
If you're gone,
If you die.
So please,
Stay alive,
For just a while longer.

So quiet now.
Be silent,
Don't make a single sound.
Remember that last time
We smiled and laughed together,
Because that tear,
It tickles,
As it travels down your face.
But please,
Wipe your tears from your eyes
So I can gaze into their beauty
For this last time.

There is no forever
If you are gone,
If you die.
So please,
Stay alive,
For several years to come.

As long as you continue to live,
Forever will remain with you.
Continue to be happy for me,
And continue on living.
This sadness is only temporary,
But you'll find my existence unnecessary.
So go on,
Live.
Be happy.

Because you are everything
And I am nothing.

Nory's Song

I'm posting a lot today. Anyhow, while I was putting up the lyrics, I was randomly reminded of a poem I recently made. I think it's pretty good. It's based on the main character, who is obviously Nory, in my story, Daemon's Children, though.
"Nory's Song"

I'd spread my wings, but they're full of holes, just like my heart.

I wish I was free
Enough to fly,
Or at least to be able to spread my wings,
Before yearning for the sky.
The wind is as gentle as it is vicious.
It brushes the leaves,
Only to whip it at my face.
And I realized that leaving the nest
Was more frightening
Then I imagined.
I perched on the edge curiously,
Only to be shoved roughly.
When suddenly I realized
I was falling.
Panic opened my wings,
But efforts remained efforts,
And no results were made.
Then I landed
On your comforting palm
That you held out
Especially for me.
I wondered why you saved me
And why you went out of your way
To put me under your wing.
You nursed me,
You loved me,
And yet in my eyes
You were as mysterious
As I,
An ugly duckling among the swans,
The black sheep among the herd.
I'll remember forever
That day where you held out your hand
Just for me.
What is this feeling
That stirs in my heart.
I was cured of more than just
Weakness and fear.
You placed me back on that
Looming branch
With you hands spread out below me.
I spread my wings,
Because there was no longer a crowd.
I jumped,
Because your push was more gentle.
I flew,
Because you loved me.
And I'll remember forever
That day where you held out your hand
Just for me.

*I drew that picture randomly when I couldn't sleep at night. It's one of my ideas for Nory's look. On the cheek is supposedly a tattoo, but I failed at coming up with a design, so it's just an outline.

Painted Mask

These tears mean nothing
If they roll down this painted mask.
For it is not a tear,
But still wet paint
Running
From hollow,
Black,
Soulless
Eyes.
Strip the aged and layered paint.
Its colors have faded
And begun to chip and peel
At the corners of the face.
Tear it off,
Tear it all off.
Destroy the wretched thing
Until it is bare and blank.
Get new paint and a new brush.
Let us not draw past mistakes again
But paint something new and something bright.
Let hand,
Brush,
Mind,
And soul
Free.
Have no bounds
In showing the true me.
In showing the real you.

Let the Winds Blow Me from Here

Hear my thunder, hear my cry.
Hear my roar and hear my sigh.
See my lightning, see my tears.
See my bravery and see my fears.
Hey.
Let the winds blow me from here.
Hey.
To somewhere beyond what I see,
To discover who I'll come to be,
Let the winds blow me from here.
Hey, hey, take me away.
Hey, hey, don't lead me astray.
Hey.
Let the winds blow me from here.
Take me far away from here.
Somewhere beyond what I see.
Somewhere where I can be free.
Twist me gently in your breeze
Let me fly beyond the trees.
Release me from these chains
So I can see across the plains.
What is this emotion
As I stare at the crashing ocean?
Why can I feel light with all these possibilities
And feel so heavy from all the responsibilities?
Hey, hey, let me stay here.
Hey, hey, don't lead me astray.
Let me look longer at what is near,
Before you let the winds blow me from here.