A Stab in Your Heart

Title: [A Stab in Your Heart] . . . Doesn't Hurt as Much as Watching A Stab in Your Friends' Hearts.
You know, I HATE people who talk badly of my friends. Joking around with my friends that we're weird isn't the same as other people calling us weird. Joking to other people that my friends are weird is different from when other people seriously calling us weird. So what if we're different? Are you the fudging same as everyone else? You saying that you're a perfectly normal child? What the heck is a normal child, huh? What's average, huh? If you aren't "normal" either, then what the h--- you babbling about? Are you complaining about yourself now, you moron? If we do something that you think is "weird", what's your point? Going to do something about it? If you aren't going to do something about it, then shut the f--- up. You can't even do anything to change how people act anyways. Are you going to kill us? If you aren't, then go back to shutting the f--- up. You think other things are weird or dumb or creepy from your different perspective, and I don't care if you sound out your opinion. This book could suck in your opinion (And ouch, burn as a fellow author. People could have spend months or even years writing that). This song could sound weird in your ears. This picture can be seen in a different light than mine. You can f---ing call me weird behind my back or spit it in my face, and you know what? I don't care. I may get offended from time to time, I may get angry or hurt. But this is different. Insulting my friends is more than saying your stupid opinion to me. And if anyone makes fun of my friends, I'LL KICK THEIR A--!

It's Worse for Me

I just want to angrily rant about a friend of mine (I'll probably stay up all night doing homework now). So today he was being dumb and hurt his arm. Online, I sent an instant message asking how was his arm, because it was bleeding rather bad. He said it was okay, but it hurt when he moved his forearm. I said, "I see" and he asked, "Do you really now?" Then he had to go into the whole pessimist mode, saying how nobody understands the extent of his injuries. WHAT THE H--- IS THAT? He ranted a list of things that happened to him, "I've sprained my left knee twice, scraped both knees until they bled profusely, burned three fingers by touching an iron, had to use crutches for my knee, had my hand crushed in an elevator when I was three" then he challengingly said, "Need I continue?" That just ticked me off. Sure, it sounds painful, all of that, but to say nobody understands the extent of his pains? I don't know why but that just infuriates me. I think I have an issue with people thinking I don't understand how they feel. Anyhow, I just got freaking ticked at him and ranted, "So? What makes you think that no one else is in pain? Do you think everyone is living in this fantasy that you aren't living in? Let me tell you, yeah, you've been in some pretty bad incidents, and yeah, you're probably been in lots of pain, but don't assume that no one else can even imagine what you've gone through, because a lot of us has been in a bunch of s---, that you don't know anything about how we felt or what we experienced." As I wrote that, I thought about my injury history. I burned my little finger on accident when I was a child; wooden boards fell on my foot, crushing my toenails inwards and making it bleed; getting hit in the eye by the corner of the locker door, damaging it a little; scraped my leg on the escalate (One foot was on the moving floor, and the other wasn't, therefore the toothed edge of the escalated scrapped against my leg. Obviously, I wasn't a very bright child.); and other little insignificant things in my life where I have hurt myself. For the most part, I kept my hands to myself, tried to stay out of trouble, and followed my parents to wherever they took me.
I haven't many other significantly troubling events happen in my life. Yeah, my life IS good compared to most. My sister didn't do drugs, my ex didn't get shot, my friend didn't get in a car crash and is in the hospital getting surgery, none of my relatives or friends have died from an accident, my family isn't poor, I get an education, I get fed three meals a day, I have more clothes then I can remember to wear, and you know, all my problems are over dramatized because I hate to hear people tell me that my life is perfect. People tell me I'm pretty, skinny, smart, and just overly perfect. If I could tear off my face and give it to you, I would. If I could trade bodies with you, I would. If I could give you whatever intelligence you think I have, I'd give it to you. If you want my life, you can have it if you can take it. I don't care if I'm ugly, fat, dumb, or suffering (probably wouldn't say that when I'm in pain, but I say it now). Take everything I have, d--- it, because I hate living some stupid, "perfect" life I have. Besides trying to help others and trying to protect my beliefs, I don't have much I'm living for. It's so ridiculous how I wished I had a worse life so other people won't feel like their life sucks in comparison to me. It's so stupid how I wished I had a worse life because I want to experience to what extent of other people's pains are. It's so dumb of me to wish that I have a worse life so I . . .

Future Railroad

So I'm having dinner with my family. It's nice, I'm eating some soysauce-covered tofu with broccoli and rice. Then my mom has to go and talk about me going to bed earlier and stuff. Yeah, my habit with staying up late is bad for my health and all, not to mention it'll have an effect on my school life. But hearing it so many times makes me want to wring my ears, which is actually very hard to do with cartilage. Anyhow, she tells my entire family about how I have to wake up at like six every morning of the school year because I have a zero period. Then my sister jumps in and says that I'll probably die because zero periods are the worse (yeah, she would know, Miss I-took-zero-to-seventh-period-and-had-perfect-grades. AGH.). So then my dad's like, "Wait, why do you even need to take seven periods." I start to tell him three times, interrupted by my mom and sister each time, because apparently, they know the answer oh-so-much more than I do. It's like, jeez, I don't have to talk for myself anymore. After my mom and sister both made their different points about why I need to take seven periods, they all started to talk about how I need to volunteer and stuff. I'm just like, yeah, okay. But then they start going into detail about the Rose Parade, the library, and the Performing Art Center. It was nice they were giving me all the suggestions, but I'm just like, okay, I can handle it. But then they started degrading me after all their ideas like I can't handle it and stuff. Family really does know how to lower your self-esteem. Then they go onto about colleges and stuff. Earlier my sister's like, "Yup, when it comes to the eleventh grade, it's just like, 'Man, I need to study for tests and I need to keep my grades up, too.'" As much as I harassed my sister when she was in the eleventh grade, at least I didn't make her want to cry under stress. And I'm not even in the eleventh grade yet.
Ugggh, I'm just not in a good mood today. Or I'm just having a bad day. It's all the same, really.

A Flash of Lighting, Heat, and True Colors

So my mother. -glares- Is on the phone right now, talking to my friend's (who's name happens to be Jenny, also) mom. Just talking in Chinese. I don't really care what she's talking about. Then she starts getting into talking about the average-everyday-worthless-child-of-the-present. She's just ranting on and on about how kids are always texting, and their hands are glued to their phone. That they can't learn anything. In class they're texting and listening? Yeah, not so much of the last part. And I'm sitting here thinking, yeah, I guess you're an expert since you've sat in class with us, huh? True, I've seen people like that, but their grades are decent, it annoys me whenever they take out their phone secretly in class, but hey, what can you do (besides tell the teacher and have it confiscated, which would be for their own good)? Then she goes on about how the average children of this country is always on the computer. She looks at me when she's saying this, and I'm staring right back at her in the eyes, so she says, "They spend all night on the computer, perfectly awake, but they never wake up in the morning." I'm staring right at her, and she doesn't even look away. It really ticked me off for some reason. Yeah, it's true. I stay up until who knows how long and I wake up at noon. But it really, really ticked me off. Then she went on how worthless and useless the children of the world are today and that the older people of the world are relying on them, but it's pretty much assured that the world is doomed. Now I'm just trying to ignore her, but she's still really ticking me off. Just wanted to say.